Grace vs Accountability

One of the things you will learn over time is how to balance giving yourself grace and holding yourself accountable, as well as the difference between giving yourself that kick in the ass to get going and beating yourself up.

Often when people are trying to lose weight, or to reach another goal, there are ups and downs.

Weight loss is not linear either literally on the scale, or figuratively. We may struggle. We may make mistakes.

We are not perfect.

The problem is that all too often we beat ourselves up when we do something other than what we thought we wanted to do. We have the best intentions, but then something happens.

The problem with beating yourself up and living in shame and self-recrimination, is that beating yourself up often leads to giving up.

What does this look like?

Well, it might look like overeating at one meal and then figuring “what the f***, I've blown it, I might as well just eat my face off for the rest of the day and start over again tomorrow.” Or Monday. Or the first of the month. Or on January 1st. You get the idea.

And sometimes, tomorrow never comes, Monday never comes, the first of the month never comes. You get the idea.

So what do you do instead?

You give yourself grace.  

Giving yourself grace, admitting you're human, and that humans make mistakes, allows you to pick yourself up and get going. But while grace is beautiful, as in the image above, this can bring up a prickly problem too.

Because giving yourself TOO much grace can sometimes lead to excuses and justification for behavior that is not aligned with your goals.

So you give yourself grace. Not excuses. Grace.

But how do you tell the difference between holding yourself accountable and beating yourself up?

The difference between giving yourself grace and making excuses?

Here's a simple test:

How does the thought make you feel?

Does thinking about whatever it is that you've done or are about to do feel like a light thought or like a heavy thought?

“I should….” thoughts tend to feel heavy. “Should” is just “could” with “shame” smeared on it.

“Just this once…” might be okay sometimes and other times not be okay. Your body will tell you.

If you get really honest with yourself, and listen to what your body is telling you, you will know how the thought “I really want this food” or “just this once is okay” feels. 

There will be times when you decide that having some extra nuts or eating something in the evening when you had planned to close the kitchen after dinner is okay.   

There will be times when you are in that situation where you don't feel like it's okay, but you do it anyway.  

If you pay close attention to your thoughts and your feelings, and what your body is telling you, what your gut is telling you, and you are really honest with yourself, you will know the difference between grace and justification.  

They will feel different. 

You will feel different. 

So when you slip up, admit it to yourself, apologize to yourself, and forgive yourself. 

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on track. 

No matter how far down the wrong road you've gone, you can still turn back and find the right path.

Don't beat yourself up and give up.

Don't tell yourself you've already screwed up, so you might as well give up for today and start over tomorrow.

Start over now. Why waste a day you can salvage? 

So think about this:

What do you have to do to hold yourself accountable, giving yourself that kick in the ass to get going when you need it, while still giving yourself grace and without beating yourself up?