 (1).png)
What is Your Change Threshold?
What is Your Change Threshold?
I was speaking with someone about change the other day, and it got me thinking about this. I used to be someone who hated change. Like many perfectionists, I preferred to stay where I was, making small tweaks in systems, trying to make them better and better, but I didn’t like big changes.
I remember a conversation with my husband nearly 20 years ago, when we were talking about moving our family across the country. He had been living in the Boston area for more than 50 years and I had been there for 29. We had friends and family there, and deep roots. So moving was a really big deal. But for several reasons, I felt I could not stay at the job I had been at for nearly 20 years. I knew it was time for a big change. I found a job in the Seattle area that I thought would be really good for me.
Anyway, I remember saying to my husband, “You know how much I hate change. So when I tell you that I need to do this, you need to understand that I really need to do this.” And so we moved. There were things and people that I missed in the Boston area. But overall, it was a really good move for my life and for our family.
That change was driven by an intolerable situation. I knew I deserved better and I made it happen.
Another big decision in my life might also seem at first glance to be based on being in an intolerable situation - the decision to leave my first marriage. But it actually turned out to be something different that drove the decision to make a change.
We had tried counseling, but things weren’t getting better because we really just weren’t a good match.
In the end, the thing that made me decide to leave was not how bad the situation was. It was the moment I realized that I did not want my son to grow up with our marriage as his model of marriage, thinking that was what marriage was supposed to look like. And I knew he would be better off with two happy homes than with one unhappy one.
Understanding the Fear of Change
If you're like most people, your subconscious brain finds change scary. It encodes familiar as safe, even if what's familiar is painful. So, you tend to stay in bad situations for way too long.
Waiting to hit rock-bottom before you decide to change means that it’s going to be a long wait, perhaps forever.
But sometimes change comes quickly. This happens when you have a shift in your thinking and your emotions. It can take a while to make the wheels turn for physical actions and change to occur. But a change in your internal belief system can happen in an instant.
In my experience coaching people, turning down the volume of the subconscious voice from your childhood that says “don’t—it's too scary” is the secret to making things happen in your life.
This allows you to listen for the other internal voices that are guiding you with much better advice.
I’ve come a long way from that version of me that was fearful of change. I realize now that most changes in my life have been for the better. I also recognize that if I make a decision or take an action that doesn’t work out as I had hoped, I can deal with it and it’s not the end of the world.
Learning that I can easily release fears and shift my thinking has helped me make decisions and changes that have improved my life and allowed me to thrive and be happy in the face of difficult circumstances.
Helping my coaching clients to learn how to do that has enriched their lives, and therefore mine as well.
Practical Steps to Embrace Change
- Identify the Need for Change: Recognize when a situation no longer serves your well-being, ideally before it becomes intolerable. This awareness is the first step towards embracing change. This doesn’t mean quitting your job or leaving a partner prematurely. But it does mean noticing things that could be fixed or optimized and working on changing them, and then assessing whether you can make things good enough or whether you need a bigger change.
- Shift Your Thinking: Work on changing your internal belief system. Replace fear and uncertainty with the benefits of the change. Give equal airtime to the pros and cons.
- Take Small Actions: Start with small steps towards the change you want. This could be as simple as setting boundaries at work or dedicating time to self-care.
- Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive people who understand your journey. This could be friends, family, or a coach who can guide you through the process.
- Reflect on Past Successes: Look back at previous changes you’ve successfully navigated. This can provide reassurance and motivation that you can handle future changes.
Final Thoughts
I've learned that change, while often daunting, usually leads to growth and happiness. If you struggle with change or making important decisions, I'd love to speak with you. Let's explore how you can turn down the volume of fear and listen to your inner voices that guide you towards a better life.
------------------
Write to me at [email protected] and let me know what you'd like help with, or book a call:
Weight loss or emotional eating: releaseemotionaleating.com
Stress/overwhelm/work-life/relationship issues: endselfsabotagenow.com
------------------
To receive more content like this right to your inbox, click here:
Release Emotional Eating and Self-Sabotage Facebook Group: